高中英语作文教学的有效反馈(2)
时间:2014-06-16 15:16 来源:松江二中 作者:杨春霞 责任编辑:地理教师
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以下是笔者在批阅学生作文时所用到的整体评论和细节评论：
如作文题目：“现在，高中生的学习压力越来越大，甚至出现了广大师生不愿看到的情况。请结合自身情况，谈谈压力太大的危害以及减少压力的方法。”要写好这篇作文，首先要引出高中生学习压力越来越大的问题，结合自身情况，举出压力太大对学生所造成的几种危害，然后将重点放在减少压力的可行的方法上。最后做出结论。
有些学生却本末倒置，只寥寥几笔提了减压的方法。如： ‘So we should reduce our pressure by some means. For example, we can do some physical exercise and take part in sports games. Deep breathing can help us too.’ 据此，我写了如下整体评论：You have done a good job. However, you could make your essay more convincing if you listed two more ways to reduce one’s pressure. For example, we students can communicate with parents or teachers, telling them exactly what we feel, and get some valuable and practical advice from experienced adults. 有的学生文章写得很流畅，但是却没有重点，而且没有最后的总结段。我给了他这样的评语：This essay reads fluently, which means you have a good command of English. However, don’t you think the ways to reduce stress are the most important part in the essay and you need to put more emphasis on them? Also, I don’t think it is a good idea to skip the conclusion paragraph. 有的学生同样语句很漂亮，但减压方法提得太少，使文章感觉头重脚轻。我写了如下评语：The variety of sentence patterns is the highlight of your essay. The conclusion also adds beauty to it. However, if you had added more ways of reducing pressure, your article would be better.
再如作文题目：诚实是一种美德。但是现在生活中有许多不诚实的例子。请用英语写一篇短文，发表你对诚实的看法，并表明诚实依旧是现代社会的美德。
整体评论如：1）Your composition is quite good, for you have illustrated your opinion with a pretty vivid story. Moreover, you have listed some dishonest and honest examples in current society, which adds weight to your argument. But it is obvious that you are weak in using complex sentences, otherwise, your composition would be better.
2）This is a fluent article with sincere words, good phrases and true emotions. When I read it, I seemed to have seen your way to deal with life. I quite agree with you. However, I don’t think your article has enough examples, which may help explain why honesty is important. So if you list more examples, your article will be enhanced a lot.
3) Your essay is well-written on the whole. It is both logical and reasonable. However, please pay attention to the use of inverted sentences. For example, the sentence: “Only do we have the honesty can our good traditional virtue be spreading” may be changed into “Only by being honest, can we keep this traditional virtue.”
细节评论如：1）Good! In this paragraph , you have given some good examples of dishonesty in society, which I like most. 2) You should pay attention to the difference between ‘honest’ and ‘honesty’. 3) This is really convincing evidence! 4) An example might help here.
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